Dear Jenna and Henry;

Im glad you got married this weekend. Congratulations. I hear it was a beautiful wedding. I just wanted to remind you Jenna and you Henry that thanks to your father and boss, respectively, its harder for me to get married. Just remember that. Because Im a faggot you people dont think I should be able to get married. But best wishes anyway.

Hugs and kisses,
blaire

From anita_margarita

I dont know what sucks more right now, to be living in Burma or to be working for Hillary Clinton's campaign. Both are, after all, complete disasters.

After the Kentucky Derby, Eight Belles, the chick horse who came in second, was euthanized. Sure she broke her legs, but thats gotta suck to come in second place only to have them take you out back and kill you. Except they did it right there on the track. Now that is fucked up.

But wouldnt it make things a lot more interesting if they euthanized everyone who came in second place? Lost the World Series? They shoot you. Lost the delegate count? Its the noose for you. Didnt win the figure skating championships? Too bad. Man, it would make things so much more interesting and it would certainly give you some incentive to win.

Dana Milbank sez it best on Hillary's strategy: "We're going to West Virginia! And we're going to Oregon and Kentucky! And we're going to Puerto Rico and Montana and South Dakota! Yeeaarrgghh!"

Dear Hillary;

Its been fun. You are a good, albeit, disgusting campaign. When you werent shamelessly pandering to voters, casing yourself in as a faux populist, you were threatening to blow the shit out of Iran or tying to paint your opponent as an Evil Secret Muslim with a bad shit crazy American hating Christian pastor who did lots of drugs.

Despite all your faults I know you area smart woman, capable of many things. Which is why its time to drop out. Obama won fair and square. If you wanted to count Florida and Michigan, you should have done so before any votes took place. But party officials declared they wouldnt count, and its unfair to try and change the rules of the game after it started. You ran a good campaign and you fought hard, but its over. Its time to save what little dignity and face you have left and go back to the Senate and serve the people of New York. Champion health care or something. Preserve your legacy. Its been fun, but its time to go home before you embarrass yourself or the party or the country with you. So please drop out and support Obama so we can beat McCain in November.

Hugs and kisses,
blaire

P.S. Please take Bill with you before he says something stupid.

It is totally over. She has cancelled all her public appearances tomorrow and her lead in Indiana is rapidly shrinking to a little under 2%. Her last email didnt even include a fundraising appeal.

...from the clock and the halls and the bell in the steeple too and up in the nursery an absurd little bird is popping out to say cuckoo (cuckoo). Regretfully it tells us and verbally compels us to say goodbye to you.

Everyone knows that Jesus pays attention to only you, and only cares about your First World Problems. Which is why some activists, Jesus and a former Miss Washington DC are holding prayer sieges at gas stations to pray the prices down.

At a Shell gas station in Washington, Rocky Twyman and an unusual group of activists were mad as hell about soaring fuel prices.

"Last week, this station was 3.51 dollars. Now it's practically 3.60. So it's gone up nine cents in one week," Twyman said as he pumped five dollars' worth of gas into his thirsty American car."Lord, come down in a mighty way and strengthen us so that we can bring down these high gas prices," Twyman said to a chorus of "amens".

"Prayer is the answer to every problem in life... We call on God to intervene in the lives of the selfish, greedy people who are keeping these prices high," Twyman said on the gas station forecourt in a neighborhood of Washington that, like many of its residents, has seen better days.

"Lord, the prices at this pump have gone up since last week. We know that you are able, that you have all the power in the world," he prayed, before former beauty queen Rashida Jolley led the group in a modified version of the spiritual, "We Shall Overcome".

"We'll have lower gas prices, we'll have lower gas prices..." they sang.

At the weekend, Twyman had led a group of around 200 people in prayer at pumps in San Francisco, where gas is touching the four-dollars-a-gallon mark.

Amen.

Outside Skillet this afternoon.

Woman, discussing Cinco de Mayo: At least the Mexicans dont strap bombs to their kids and blow up our markets.

Today I saw two women get in a fight while at work. Heres how it went down. There was a harpie on a cell phone babbling away and being bitching and not knowing what she wanted. Eventually she came up to the window and was talking on her cell phone.

Cell Phone Harpie: Blah blah blah, how many tickets do you want?
Blaire: Ma'am, Im going to need to ask you to step out of line until you are off the phone.
Cell Phone Harpie: Ill be phone in a minute.
Blaire: Thats fine, but I need you to get out of line until you are off the phone.
Hero Woman: (shoves Cell Phone Harpie out of line) Hi. I have two tickets...
Cell Phone Harpie: I was getting out of line!
Hero Woman: Not fast enough. My last name is...
Cell Phone Harpie: There is no need to be rude.
Blaire: Ma'am please calm down. (She walks away. To Hero Woman) Sorry about that.
Hero Woman: She wasnt moving and there was a line.
Blaire: Hey I know, Im on your side.

I should have asked, "Now do you wear that ring because you are married or do you just wear it because it looks pretty?"

Holy shit, this has got to be the most depressing internet meme ever. Its called Pos or Not and you have to guess whether they are HIV positive or HIV negative. Its just like Hot or Not but with AIDS. Its fucking depressing. And then they ask

What made you decide who is positive or not?
Was it what we look like, our age, or what we do on the weekends?

Ill give you a clue, if they look like they are gay, or a black, or have bad taste, they are more likely to have the AIDS. Its seriously its fucking depressing. But really, the gays in this meme all have AIDS. Maybe thats the whole point (you know, dont judge), but Im smart enough to do the math and know that HIV disproportionately affects gay men and black people. Then again, there are plenty of stories of people who seemingly were infected when they were young either because a parent was HIV positive or because of a blood transfusion. Still, its pretty fucking depressing.

Its Ascension Day which celebrates when Jesus went up to heaven.

Walking home after a bad day I encountered a huge mass of Mexicans, illegal immigrants, socialists and commies. If you were into Latin guys or communists today was your day.

Its not just for the homos anymore

In 1208 Christian armed forces attacked the town of Beziers, France slaughtering 20,000 men, women and children accused of heresy. When the commanding legate, Arnaud, was asked how to tell the heretics from the believers he answered, 'Kill them all, let God sort them out.'

Today, as Christians migrate between boutique doctrines, sampling myriad designer beliefs it's even MORE important to quickly discern the fiber of another's faith. Borrowing, yet again, from the queer community we offer the following hanky code. This way you won't accidently pray with the 'wrong kind of people' at the next PromiseKeeper's Event.

Wear the appropriate hankies in either your left or right back pant's pocket depending on your beliefs.

For example if you wear a gray hanky on the left that you means are are against the mixing of races, but if you wear it on the right you are "now accepting donations from other races." Wearing a life green hanky on the left means that you think life begins at birth, but on the right it means life begins at conception. An army green hanky on the left you means that you think gravity is "not just a good idea, it's the law" and if you wear the same hanky on the right you know that gravity is a deception of Satan.

A Washington State pastor sez Jesus is coming back in 2015 after studying NASA websites.

A minister who promotes the Old Testament roots of Christianity suggests a rare string of lunar and solar eclipses said to fall on God's annual holy days seven years from now could herald what's come to be known as the "Second Coming" of Jesus.

"God wants us to look at the biblical calendar," says Mark Biltz, pastor of El Shaddai Ministries in Bonney Lake, Wash. "The reason we need to be watching is [because] He will signal His appearance. But we have to know what to be watching as well. So we need to be watching the biblical holidays."

"It means a signal, kind of like 'one if by land, two if by sea.' It's like God wants to signal us," he said. "The Hebrew word implies ... not only is it a signal, but it's a signal for coming or His appearing."

Hurrah! Jesus is coming back! Apparently there is some sort of magical lunar eclipse happening between 2014-2015.

Biltz began focusing on the precise times of both solar and lunar eclipses, sometimes called "blood moons" since the moon often takes on a bloody color. He logged onto NASA's eclipse website which provides precision tracking of the celestial events.

He noted a rare phenomenon of four consecutive total lunar eclipses, known as a tetrad.

He says during this century, tetrads occur at least six times, but what's interesting is that the only string of four consecutive blood moons that coincide with God's holy days of Passover in the spring and the autumn's Feast of Tabernacles (also called Succoth) occurs between 2014 and 2015 on today's Gregorian calendar.

I for one, am totally confused by this supposed science and Jesus business (and everyone knows that science is the work of a conspiracy between Satan and the Jews). And this religious crap he is talking about is like nothing I ever studied. But mark your calendars, Jesus is on his way!

Not as exciting as Kittehversary, but twenty times more dramatic.



Hopefully in about twenty years Ill be listening to the musical Miss Baghdad.

I forget to mention (because we took a nap) that yesterday was me and Hillary Clinton's two year anniversary. This is what he looked like this morning. Hes my preshus and I love him so much.